Hi fine ni!

I will slowly but surely come back to work again, and start a little right with the blog and things that I can manage from home, but also that feel a bit like therapy for me. The blog has never felt like an evil must and I'm starting to get a little abstinent now! :)

Today is Monday and just this week, it was actually, even before all the chaos, planned that I would be away from work. I had planned to prepare blog material last week (and those plans were changed) but this is my only planned holiday week for the whole summer and I am actually going to Turkey!

Och även fast det känns fel att “åka bort på roligheter” så kommer det kännas fruktansvärt skönt att komma bort från allt. Jag åker inte med vilka som helst heller, utan med min syster Mia och hennes två barn Meja och Mila! :)

Offers a picture from my recent trip abroad in Cape Verde ♥

In other words, I will start updating a little more here but I will not be back at work until July 6 and it is only then that I will return to the routines and update regularly with make-up and product reviews.

But I hope you will like some holiday pictures and flashbacks to old make-up for so long? :)

Hugs are!

I do not know how to start this post, at the same time as I want you to know and understand why there will be a bit of a bad update here in the near future ♥

Last Thursday I had the worst night of my life. My mother has for several years struggled with anxiety and depression, it has been so incredibly tough for all of us children and grandchildren but we have always cared and been close. She has been on sick leave for a whole year now and Miska and I have more or less lived here with her since then.

Mamma har haft en bättre period i nästan 3 månader nu, då hon i tisdags fick ett bakslag. Den natten sov jag och Miska där som vanligt, och på morgonen verkade hon glad och som sig själv. Det sista jag sa till henne innan vi åkte till jobbet var att vi var så varma på natten att jag vaknade och satte i myggnätet i fönstret. Myggnätet som mamma tillverkat själv av en träram och öl-reklam från Spendrups, som man är så van att se att man inte ens reflekterar över att alla som går förbi ser en stor röd villa med blommor och en blomstrande trädgång – och en stor öl-bild i fönstret. Inget konstigt, man tager vad man haver. Jag visste inte om jag hade satt fast myggnätet rätt och jag sa åt henne att ta en titt på det sen så att det inte blåser iväg eller nått “jaa you should not have to have any spiders in the room when you get homeShe replied. And that was the last thing she said to me.

The night after we slept in Uppsala.

But on the Thursday after work, Miska and I went home with a pizza so that my mother would have something to eat. But it was too late. Mother's body could no longer fight. Finding her is a memory image and a shock that will never disappear from my retina.

Beloved mother ♥

Here is a picture from one of my mother's last days in life, the whole picture screams mother ♥ The Moomin cup she received as a gift and always drank from, the ice cream she bought several cartons of because it was so good AND cheap, only 22.90 for six pieces, we teased (heartily) with her so much because she talked in such detail about those ice creams. And we got to eat as many as we wanted. And a four-leaf clover, mother always looked for four-leaf clover - and found! She kept the count and found so extremely many just this summer, one day there were 35! She has probably found over 100 in total just this summer, and another barely found a single one when they tried.

Jag saknar henne så mycket… Jag har inte lämnat huset sen vi kom hit, försöker bearbeta allting, och precis varenda grej påminner om mamma. En halv öl-burk i källaren, tvålen som snart var slut och som hon fyllt med så mycket vatten för att få ut det sista att det typ är vatten med doft av tvål, som jag pikade henne om förra helgen “a little water is enough to get the last one out, you do not have to fill up half the bottle and wash your hands with scented water for a month“. Hennes odiskade Mumin-kopp på diskbänken, andningsmedicinen bredvid hennes dator i vardagsrummet, läsglasögonen bredvid spisen, alla hennes blommor och växter som hon fått att växa så mycket att dom snart väller ut ur krukorna, hennes (och mina och Miskas) nytvättade kläder som hon hängt på tork, myggnätet i mitt rum..

And so many memories.

We are a big family and I am so lucky to have so many around me who care, we cry together, talk about memories and joke about my mother's all the nonsense and what she would say if she saw us now. I was incredibly close to my mother and it is impossible to describe the pain in my chest that I have now, but I know that she is better now. She has fought so much for so long ♥

Mamma har skrivit dagbok och anteckningar de senaste året som jag håller på att gå igenom nu för att få ännu mer förståelse, väldigt jobbigt samtidigt som det känns så skönt att få ta del av hennes egna tankar. Allt från stoltheten om dagar hon orkat kämpa och känna lycka, om vården som sviker henne gång på gång och om all tid vi har varit där “Helena och Miska har lagat tacogratäng” “Berättade för Helena om…..” och hur tacksam hon har varit över vårt tålamod.

It has been nice to be able to write a little, and above all nice that you know now. It was so hard to sit there on the balcony floor, when Miska just called 112 and explained that it had been so long that there was nothing to do, and knew that No another knows yet. But now most people know, even you, and it feels very nice.

We'll see when we hear again.

Thank you for all of you ♥